is wine microwaveable?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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