haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
