How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize