tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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