yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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