I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
