he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
