State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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