So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Come on in and take your pants off
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