hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
