Buhtt sex?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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