yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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