her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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