sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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