so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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