Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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