in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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