You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
