Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
