Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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