Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
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my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.