found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.