Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

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(630): I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better. http://tfl.nu/ly4a

Replies (23) Good night (5592) Bad night (739)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.

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(703): Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice. http://tfl.nu/mxxc

Replies (19) Good night (6166) Bad night (1439)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.

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(267): he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana. http://tfl.nu/oxo3

Replies (9) Good night (4942) Bad night (1220)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

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(617): Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night http://tfl.nu/jx5s

Replies (13) Good night (6687) Bad night (1096)
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(+49): View more from Germany

he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit

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(+49): he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit http://tfl.nu/mxfj

Replies (16) Good night (3377) Bad night (1898)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.

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(724): The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants. http://tfl.nu/3mi5

Replies (4) Good night (2097) Bad night (750)
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(972): View more from Texas

Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.

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(972): Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/pnw4

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(540): View more from Virginia

Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.

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(540): Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run. http://tfl.nu/gma4

Replies (3) Good night (2025) Bad night (698)
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(209): View more from California

we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin

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(209): we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin http://tfl.nu/oa4p

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.

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(617): I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug. http://tfl.nu/jnbd

Replies (3) Good night (1113) Bad night (501)
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(310): View more from California

Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).

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(310): Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok). http://tfl.nu/yawu

Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (429)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.

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(402): I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it. http://tfl.nu/oran

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(313): View more from Michigan

saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?

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(313): saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man? http://tfl.nu/248d

Replies (4) Good night (439) Bad night (344)
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(801): View more from Utah

And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's

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(801): And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's http://tfl.nu/7hkf

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(212): View more from New York

I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"

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(212): I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?" http://tfl.nu/jyit

Replies (3) Good night (379) Bad night (192)

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