Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize