Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
