I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
