I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
