sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.