drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.