I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
