Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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