Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
