I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
