my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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