You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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