Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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