So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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