the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
