I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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