i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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