There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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