i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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