I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
