Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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