the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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