mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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