I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
