u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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