At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
