Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
