You just made me feel so damn special
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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