Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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