Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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