every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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