Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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