I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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