If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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