Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
