the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
