I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
