so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize