watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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