Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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