I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Shame - the story of my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
