I got chris browned last night
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
