Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
