Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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