If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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