I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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