I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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