He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
