I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
