Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
