Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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