If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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