so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
