Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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